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First of all, I would like to say that life is good. After an extremely depressing post a month ago, I have recovered nicely. No, it did not take me an entire month to drag myself out of the dumps, but I have my days. I think everyone deserves days. It’s an integral part of life, and let’s admit it- life is sad. However, diversions, people, and laughter make mine just a little more bearable… well, a lot more bearable. It’s easy to dwell on the past, but recently, I found out that I will definitely, as in without a question, be studying in Spain this summer, and the future is looking bright. I’m looking forward to new perspectives, a new culture, and new scenery. I’m looking forward to spending 6 weeks with fellow lovers of Spanish culture, exploring Spain, speaking the language, and living refreshingly. I think I’m going to make it an opportunity to cleanse my mind, renew my spirit, and gain a new passion for life. Some of you people may not know much about Spanish culture, but the Spaniards know how to live. Not as in live like royalty, eating bon-bons and sipping expensive liquor, but living happily, without worrying about every little thing that doesn’t go right in life. One of the famous phrases in Madrid is, “No pasa nada” or “It doesn’t matter.” A typical conversation in Spain might go a little like this, (you) ”I just got robbed on the subway and they took every penny I had! FML!” and the reply (Spaniard) “Ay, nada pasa nada, amigo.” I think that is awesome! And we could all learn something from that, I really hope that  I get a chance to. I’m definitely looking forward to self-discovery and meditation. I know this all seems crazy, but I’m feeling like I’m stuck.  I know who I am, but I need to find myself, and I hope Spain will help me to achieve that.

Now that that’s out of the way, I have something to say, and I sincerely hope this individual reads this. You know, there are people in our lives that somehow we just know were sent there for a purpose. Yes, we may have chance meetings on the street, or a casual conversation with a lost friend, but these people inspire a much deeper relationship, a more profound understanding of something- maybe yourself? your life? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This sounds hopelessly sappy, but I never got a chance to say this stuff, and I need to. In high school, I would consider myself a lost individual, someone searching for answers. Many of your know my family situation, and during my frehsman year, me and my sister made the decision to move in with our Dad. It was a hard decision, and in the midst of this turmoil and instability, I was dealing with issues of self-confidence and self-worth, although I never admitted this to anyone. Yes, I had support and all the love I could ask for at home, but I didn’t have a passion. I was getting through every day, not knowing who I was or what I planned to do with my life with certainty. You see, then, I had a completely different view of life than I do know. Then, perhaps because of my surroundings, I saw life as something to be suffered through the best way you knew how. I saw people around me completely miserable, and doing things to ease the pain that weren’t so noble- including drugs. I had always been taught that this was not the right way to deal with unpleasant situations, and I had no intention of ever doing that. It was just that I didn’t know what I should do to finally be happy, to finally know what I wanted, and to finally make goals to make it happen. And then ladies and gentlemen, I met Mrs. Evelynn Slattery. Scared, excuse my language, shitless, I entered her classroom only to feel even more uncomfortable by her bubbly personality, her smile and laughter, and her passion for Spanish. I want you to know that I would not be the person I am today without having been brave enough to take the 5 years of Spanish with her that I did. Yes, I learned Spanish, and learned it well, but I learned so much more. About myself. About life. About loving. Señora was the first teacher that I ever had in high school that ever cared deeply about me. The only one who took the time to ask how I was not just as a statement, but as a question. There is no doubt in my mind that she helped me find the self-confidense and self-preservation I needed to get through the hard times that I was going through during that period of my life. She instilled a passion in me that helped me discover that life is not something to be endured, it is something to be enjoyed, loved, and taken advantage of. If you would have asked me if I ever would have thought that something as simple as a high school Spanish teacher would have changed my life, I would have told you that you were crazy. Now, I am not so naive, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that she did, and she needs to know it.

Señora, you are a saint, and I am priveleged to have the friendship of you and your family. I love you all dearly. Thank you for giving me a passion, and for showing me that life is a wonderful thing.

-Mateo-

Llueve afuera, llueve además
Está desierta la ciudad
Mientras tú y yo nos refugiamos en la eternidad
No siento frío cerca de ti
Dentro de mi brilla el sol

Se cae el cielo y que mas da
Tenemos nuestro mundo
El día sigue siendo azul si estamos juntos
No importa nada más
Que aquí jamás será
Invierno

Tanto ruido,tanta soledad
Gente que corre sin parar
Tras la puerta ese universo de infinita paz
Necesito la calma que tu me das

Se cae el cielo y que mas da
Tenemos nuestro mundo
El dia sigue siendo azul si estamos juntos
No importa nada más
Que lo que tu me das!

Nubes viento miedo lluvia
Noches grises ni una luna
Otro invierno de oscuridad
Tú me besas tú me curas
Tu calor y tu ternura
no lo dejan en paz

Invierno, Invierno, Invierno

Se cae el cielo y que mas da
Tenemos nuestro mundo
El día sigue siendo azul si estamos juntos
No importa nada más
Que aquí jamás será
Invierno!

Se cae el cielo y que mas da
El dia sigue siendo azul
Se cae el cielo y que mas da
Tenemos nuestro mundo.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. Lost. Not lost as in without a direction. Lost as in moving at a rapid pace. Faces bluring, lights morphing into dim streaks of nothingness, desires to slow down without means to do so. I feel lost to my surroundings sometimes- without a frame of reference. As I have said, sometimes I wonder if my priorities are really benefitial. Voices around me tell me so, my upbringing tends to suggest so, but I find other people around me branching out bravely with love, spontaneity, and passion. You would never hear anyone say, “Don’t worry about education or the future. Live in the moment, even if it forfeits your entire future.” But… everything is relative, right? I often wonder if I am being too safe. I seem content to stay on the roller-coaster, whizzing through each day. However, I have seen before that the view is much more awe-inspiring when you take a minute to look. Maybe these feelings are caused by lonliness. When I say that I am lonley, I in no way expect sympathy. My lonliness is my choice. I could remedy this sentiment at any time as millions of others have done- meet an average girl, settle for less, and possibly get married in college. I choose not to do this. I don’t feel like I should have to explain myself, but in summary- I won’t settle for less, marriage is not a game of pawns, and providing a decent life for my future family overshadows college romance. Wow, this is getting deeper than I planned to go in this post.

Again, though, maybe I am being too safe. I have a general sense of wonder at what would happen if I hadn’t placed restraints on myself. Will I look back and realize that I would have been happier if I would have let myself be loved? Will I have regrets when I have a great job as a meteorologist, living alone in a distant city? I envy those who seem incapable of worrying about the future, but then again… maybe I don’t. There is still the possibility that I will look back at this time in my life and be thankful that my priorities were what they are. I have not frame of reference. You can’t go through life, and then return to a specific point. Life is irreversable, and that’s what scares me. I’m just looking for my frame of reference.

“Free” by Gavin DeGraw

I’m a poor, I’m a rich.
I’m a mountain, and a ditch.
I’m a dagger, and a shield.
I’m impatient, I’m a yield.

And I wanna be free,
Wind in my hair,
Salt on my skin,
Sun in the air.
I have to feel love,
Holding on me.
I’ll give you everything that you would ever need.

I’m the fight and the dance.
I am heartbreak and romance,
The feather and the stone.
I feel crowded and alone.

And I wanna be free,
Wind in my hair,
Salt on my skin,
Sun in the air.
I have to feel love,
Holding on me.
I’ll give you everything that you would ever need.

And every once in a while,
I wanna sit back and enjoy the view.
I’m feeling my senses,
But woman my life has been surrounded by fences,
But I found some that I could see through,
I could see through.

And I wanna be free,
Wind in my hair,
Salt on my skin,
Sun in the air.
I have to feel love,
Holding on me.
I’ll give you everything that you would ever need.

Everything that you would ever need.
Everything that you would ever need.

Okay, so after my little rant, which can be attributed to the title as much as what follows, I have another revelation. I have realized that my current attempt to frame a novel has been unsuccessful. As much as it has pained me, I know why. Inspiration. In attempting to begin writing, I was looking for a “mentor” as I explained in a previous post. I found that person in the great writer Dan Brown. However, as I now understand, I was feeding off his Dan Brown’s inspiration more than looking for my own. To write, you have to be inspired. Dan Brown’s work inspires me, but not to write. Dan Brown’s work inspires me to ask questions, contemplate life, and of course, to read more of his books. However, that is exactly what I am attempting to do in writing a novel. I want to be like Dan Brown. Dan Brown is inspired, and I must be too if I want to achieve what he has achieved. And so… I began thinking. What inspires me? Spanish, of course, as many of my friends would tell you. Culture, as well. People overcoming the odds and succeeding? A must. It’s all there, I was just not tapping into my true potential. This is a learning process, as I have explained, and this is just a step on the way. I was rushing before, giving myself deadlines and trying to conform to something that I admired. True inspiration, however, encourages the opposite. Openness, originality, and passion are the key. I am passionate about many things, and I hope to get my inspiration from this passion. I hope you will not give up on me yet. I am still figuring this out, and I have a feeling the result is going to be brilliant.

By the way, this is probably the most honest post I have written in a while.

Wait, I’m wrong
Should have done better than this
Please, I’ll be strong
I’m finding it hard to resist
So show me what I’m looking for

CHORUS
Save me, I’m lost
Oh lord, I’ve been waiting for you
I’ll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for…oh lord

Don’t let go
I’ve wanted this far too long
Mistakes become regrets
I’ve learned to love abuse
Please show me what I’m looking for

CHORUS
Save me, I’m lost
Oh lord, I’ve been waiting for you
I’ll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for…oh lord

Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for

CHORUS
Save me, I’m lost
Oh lord, I’ve been waiting for you
I’ll pay any cost
Just save me from being confused
Wait, I’m wrong
I can’t do better than this
I’ll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for…oh lord

IT IS THE MORNING OF CHRISTMAS AND I AM BACK IN THE CHAIR
TO BRING YOU THE LONG-TERM DISCUSSION WITH A BIT OF CHRISTMAS FLAIR.
THE MAIN STORM IS PAST AND WHAT SNOW WILL REMAIN ON THE GROUND
WILL DETERMINE HOW TEMPERATURES MANAGE TO REBOUND.

THE CLOSED LOW OVER THE GREAT LAKES WILL BE SLOW TO MOVE OUT
AND NORTHWESTERLY FLOW ALOFT THROUGH LATE SATURDAY ISN/T IN DOUBT.
ALL THESE CONDITIONS TOGETHER WILL LIKELY KEEP TEMPERATURES COOL
SO GOING ON THE COLD SIDE OF MOS TEMPERATURES WILL BE THE RULE.

TEMPERATURES STAY COOL WITH MID TO UPPER 40S FOR HIGHS
AND LOWS IN THE TEENS TO NEAR 20 IS WHAT I CAN SURMISE.
ANOTHER WEAK FRONT SUNDAY KEEPS WARM AIR AT BAY
BUT CHANGES ARE ON THE HORIZON STARTING EARLY ON MONDAY.

A DEEPENING TROF IN THE WEST WILL CHANGE THE FLOW UPSTAIRS
SOUTHWESTERLY FLOW ALOFT BY LATE MONDAY IS WHAT THE NWP DECLARES.
RETURN FLOW TRIES TO SET UP AS THE TROF PUSHES EAST
AND I REMAIN UNSURE HOW MUCH MOISTURE THE GULF WILL RELEASE.

THE TIMING REMAINS SIMILAR BUT WITH A WEAKER APPROACHING TROF…
WILL IT REMAIN JUST AS WEAK OR WILL IT CUT OFF?
I HAVE MY DOUBTS BASED ON MODEL PERFORMANCES THIS LAST TIME
FEW CHANGES WERE MADE EXCEPT TO NICKLE AND DIME.

POPS REMAIN LOW FOR TUESDAY INTO MIDWEEK…
AND I WARMED TEMPERATURES A BIT AS MODELS REMAIN QUITE OBLIQUE.
SNOW COULD FALL EARLY THEN SWITCH TO A MIX OR ALL RAIN…
THE RIGHT FORECAST THIS FAR OUT REALLY IS QUITE A PAIN.

COOLER WEATHER WILL SLIDE IN AFTER THE PASSAGE OF THE STORM
BUT THE MODELS DIVERGE AFTERWORDS…THEY JUST WON/T CONFORM.
THURSDAY THE TROF AXIS IS OVER THE CENTRAL PLAINS
BUT DIFFERENCES IN SURFACE WINDS ARE CAUSING ME GREAT PAINS.

NORTHERLY IN THE EURO BUT WESTERLY IN THE OTHER TWO…
GFS AND CANADIAN FAVOR WARMER SO I WILL WAIT AND REVIEW.
ANOTHER STRONG TROF THURSDAY THE EURO IS STARTING TO MAKE…
FAVORING COOLER TEMPERATURES WHICH HOPEFULLY ISN/T A MISTAKE.

THE LAST THE DAYS OF THE FORECAST WILL BE LEFT COOL AND DRY
TO SEE HOW THE MODELS CHANGE…FLIP-FLOP…AND TRY TO COMPLY.

LITTLE SLEEP I HAVE HAD AS SHOWN BY MY RED EYES…
SO IF I HAVE LEFT SOMETHING OUT I DO APOLOGIZE.
WE STRIVE TO DO OUR BEST IN ALL THAT WE DO
EVEN THOUGH THE SCHEDULE IS STRANGE AND OUR SLEEP IS ASKEW.

FORECASTING IS FUN FOR MY FELLOW FORECASTERS AND I…
THE SHIFT WORK IS HARD WHICH I CANNOT DENY.
BUT WE ARE HERE TO SERVE YOU AND WILL CLOSE OUT AS I CITE
MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM NWS LUBBOCK AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!

JORDAN

Now that I have gotten that out of the way, my Christmas has been awesome. I believe that this year, the bad economy had a tremendous effect on the amout of material things that my family was able to give, but they did it all the same. Being with family and alive is enough for me. The next couple of days will consist of rest and relaxation. After all the craziness of family dinners and parties, I think everyone deserves some R&R to recoop. I am currently reading Dan Brown’s “The Lost Symbol” as well as attempting to work on the novel. The next few days will offer a good opportunity to re-evaluate and make changes in order to iron out the main sequence of events. Look for updates soon.

I hope each of you had a very Merry Christmas.

Despite a successful career and a recently published book, college professor Nicholas Santini realizes his marriage has failed when his wife asks for a divorce. While trying to piece his life back together after the collapse of his relationship, Santini receives a mysterious phone call from Europe informing him of the death of a relative he never knew existed and advising him of the existence of a secretive object located in a vault in an undisclosed location left to him by his recently deceased relative. However, in his attempt to retrieve the object and to expel the shroud of mystery surrounding it, he begins researching his family’s past and traces his roots to Italy, where he discovers his family has been a part of controversy involving secret societies, the Italian government, and even the Vatican over the years. In his efforts to learn as much as possible and solve the mystery of the object, he realizes there are those who wish to leave the past in its rightful place. As things begin getting dangerous, Santini must enlist the help of someone but doesn’t know who to turn to because he has hurt most of those he holds dearest to his heart, and the Italian government seems to be leery of him as well as any of his associates. In his quest for answers, he must also decide what is most important in his life, but the mysteries of the past hold him captivated and he may endanger too many people before he realizes the consequences and it’s too late.