Learning Process

Before I get to the true nature of this post, I have a confession to make. As I write this, I find myself longing for Mobile. Yes, extremely odd. I can’t really grasp the concept myself, but I do miss it. I miss my crazy living arangements with my room-mate and his girlfriend. I miss my extremely small and short bed. I miss the people in the Spanish department. I miss being around people that I can relate to- people that are interested in art, language, meteorology, and culture instead of drinking, partying, and sex. Yes, I am a college student, and I do like those things from time to time, but I also like having people to relate to. Intelligent people. In no way am I insinuating  that people in Tuscaloosa are incompetant; there’s a university down-town, and a damn good one at that. Going further, I am not saying that you have to have a college education to be intelligent- it just helps sometimes. It just amazes me that it takes some people so long to realize that there is so much more to college than partying. I think this is when some people makes the biggest mistake of their lives. College, at least for me, is a time of self-discovery and it is extremely dangerous to mix in drugs, alcohol, and sex in a time of self-discovery. I’m not saying that those things will cause the downfall of America’s young adults- quite the contrary. It’s just that in some individuals, it seems to be stunting the process, acting as an inhibitor. I will be the first to admit… I drink. I have many vices. I in no way am trying to get you to assume I am a saint. However, I realize that there is more to this than waiting for a phone call informing me of the location of the party tonight. This realization has alienated me somewhat from my friends. I love my friends dearly and in no way want to judge them or create a mental picture of them as being the “typical” young adult; I know their potential and I like to think I know them on a personal level. Still, though, I find it hard to express myself because of self-consciousness or in an attempt to try to relate on some level. A rift is there, and I’m not so sure I know how to deal with it. Maybe I’m not supposed to. In Mobile, I just find that rift a little more accessible and seem to find a way over it. There are people there like me. People with the same ideas as me. The same interests. The same priorities. Thus, you can understand my longing to be back there, and I will very soon. The knowledge that I will return is helping me to appreciate my time here, however hard it may be.

Okay, so after my little rant, which can be attributed to the title as much as what follows, I have another revelation. I have realized that my current attempt to frame a novel has been unsuccessful. As much as it has pained me, I know why. Inspiration. In attempting to begin writing, I was looking for a “mentor” as I explained in a previous post. I found that person in the great writer Dan Brown. However, as I now understand, I was feeding off his Dan Brown’s inspiration more than looking for my own. To write, you have to be inspired. Dan Brown’s work inspires me, but not to write. Dan Brown’s work inspires me to ask questions, contemplate life, and of course, to read more of his books. However, that is exactly what I am attempting to do in writing a novel. I want to be like Dan Brown. Dan Brown is inspired, and I must be too if I want to achieve what he has achieved. And so… I began thinking. What inspires me? Spanish, of course, as many of my friends would tell you. Culture, as well. People overcoming the odds and succeeding? A must. It’s all there, I was just not tapping into my true potential. This is a learning process, as I have explained, and this is just a step on the way. I was rushing before, giving myself deadlines and trying to conform to something that I admired. True inspiration, however, encourages the opposite. Openness, originality, and passion are the key. I am passionate about many things, and I hope to get my inspiration from this passion. I hope you will not give up on me yet. I am still figuring this out, and I have a feeling the result is going to be brilliant.

By the way, this is probably the most honest post I have written in a while.